Sentence Structure Clarity

Strategies for Improving Sentence Clarity

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Modified by Anna Lee McKennon

Go from old to new information

Introduce your readers to the "big picture" first by giving them information they already know. Then they can link what's familiar to the new information you give them. As that new information becomes familiar, it too becomes old information that can link to newer information.

The following example sentence is clear and understandable because it uses old information to lead to new information:

Every semester after final exams are over, I'm faced with the problem of what to do with books of lecture notes (new information). They (old) might be useful some day, but they just keep piling up on my bookcase (new). Someday, it (old) will collapse under the weight of information I might never need.

Here is a sentence that is not as clear. It moves from new information to old information:

Lately, most movies I've seen have been merely second-rate entertainment, but occasionally there are some with worthwhile themes. The rapid disappearance of the Indian culture (new) is the topic of a recent movie (old) I saw.

Did you find the second sentence hard to read or understand? If so, it could be because the old information comes late in the sentence after the new information. A clearer version that moves from old information to new information might look like this:

Lately, most movies I've seen have been merely second-rate entertainment, but occasionally there are some with worthwhile themes. One recent movie (old) I saw was about the rapid disappearance of the Indian culture. (new)

Be careful about placement of subordinate clauses

Avoid interrupting the main clause with a subordinate clause if the interruption will cause confusion:

clear (subordinate clause at the end):

Industrial spying is increasing rapidly because of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information.

clear (subordinate clause at the beginning):

Because of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information, industrial spying is increasing rapidly.

not as clear (subordinate clause embedded in the middle):

Industrial spying, because of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information, is increasing rapidly.

Use active voice

Sentences in active voice are usually easier to understand than those in passive voice because active-voice constructions indicate clearly the performer of the action expressed in the verb. In addition, changing from passive voice to active often results in a more concise sentence. So use active voice unless you have good reason to use the passive. For example, the passive is useful when you don't want to call attention to the doer; when the doer is obvious, unimportant, or unknown; or when passive voice is the conventional style among your readers..

clear (active):

The committee decided to postpone the vote.

not as clear (passive):

A decision was reached to postpone the vote.

Use parallel constructions

When you have a series of words, phrases, or clauses, put them in parallel form (similar grammatical construction) so that the reader can identify the linking relationship more easily and clearly.

clear (parallel):

In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an annual event, we learned that it is important (1) to become aware of the warning signs, (2) to know what precautions to take, and (3) to decide when to seek shelter.

not as clear (not parallel):

In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an annual event, we learned that it is important (1) to become aware of the warning signs. (2) There are precautions to take, and (3) deciding when to take shelter is important.

In the second sentence, notice how the string of "things to be aware of in Florida" does not create a parallel structure. Also, notice how much more difficult it is for a reader to follow the meaning of the second sentence compared to the first one.

Avoid noun strings

Try not to string nouns together one after the other because a series of nouns is difficult to understand. One way to revise a string of nouns is to change one noun to a verb.

unclear (string of nouns):

This report explains our investment growth stimulation projects.

clearer:

This report explains our projects to stimulate growth in investments.

Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs

Use verbs when possible rather than noun forms known as "nominalizations."

unclear (use of nominalization):

The implementation of the plan was successful.

clearer: The plan was implemented successfully.

Avoid multiple negatives

Use affirmative forms rather than several negatives because multiple negatives are difficult to understand.

unclear (multiple negatives, passive):

Less attention is paid to commercials that lack human interest stories than to other kinds of commercials.

clearer:

People pay more attention to commercials with human interest stories than to other kinds of commercials.

Avoid unclear pronoun references

Be sure that the pronouns you use refer clearly to a noun in the current or previous sentence. If the pronoun refers to a noun that has been implied but not stated, you can clarify the reference by explicitly using that noun.

Unclear (unclear pronoun reference):

With the spread of globalized capitalism, American universities increasingly follow a corporate fiscal model, tightening budgets and hiring temporary contract employees as teachers. This has prompted faculty and adjunct instructors at many schools to join unions as a way of protecting job security and benefits.

Clearer:

With the spread of globalized capitalism, American universities increasingly follow a corporate fiscal model, tightening budgets and hiring temporary contract employees as teachers. This trend has prompted faculty and adjunct instructors at many schools to join unions as a way of protecting job security and benefits.

Unclear (unclear pronoun reference):

Larissa worked in a national forest last summer, which may be her career choice.

Clearer:

Larissa worked in a national forest last summer; forest management may be her career choice.
Larissa worked in a national forest last summer, and she may choose a forest management career.

Run-ons - Comma Splices - Fused Sentences

Brought to you by the Purdue University Online Writing Lab ( Modified by ALM)

The above are all names given to compound sentences that are not punctuated correctly. The best way to avoid such errors is to punctuate compound sentences correctly by using one or the other of these rules.

1. Join the two independent clauses with one of the coordinating conjunctions (and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet), and use a comma before the connecting word.

(He enjoys walking through the country, and he often goes backpacking on his vacations.)

Write your own:___________________________________________, and

________________________________________________________.

2. When you do not have a connecting word (or when you use a connecting word other than and, but, for, or nor, so, or yet between the two independent clauses) use a semicolon (;).

(He often watched TV when there were only reruns; she preferred to read instead.)

Write your own:________________________________________________________;

____________________________________________________________.

(He often watched TV when there were only reruns; however, she preferred to read instead.)

Write your own:_______________________________________________ ;

however,____________________________________________________.

So, run-ons and fused sentences are terms describing two independent clauses which are joined together with no connecting word or punctuation to separate the clauses.

Anna Lee McKennon – (Overhead & Handout, modified from Purdue OWL Writing Lab)for use with text Motorcycle Ride on the Sea of Tranquility

Sentence Error Correction:

Incorrect: Yoli wanted to help Chuy, she didn’t know how to talk to him.
Correct:___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Incorrect: Ana Maria showed Yoli how to attract a boy she should look sexy.
Correct:______________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Incorrect: Yoli lied for her sister, Ana Maria snuck out to meet Tito.

Correct: ______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________.

Incorrect: Although she wanted to attract Francisco but she felt foolish.

Correct: _______________________________________________

______________________________________________________

Incorrect: Octavio liked to date a lot of girls; mainly just for his physical pleasure and macho image.

Correct: ________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

Incorrect: Because Tito was Octavio’s friend, however Ana Maria was Octavio’s sister and needed to remain pure.

Correct: ________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

Incorrect: In the church were many women very devout and served the Chicano community.

Correct: ________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

Sentence Fragments

Fragments are incomplete sentences. Usually, fragments are pieces of sentences that have become disconnected from the main clause. Below are some examples with the fragments shown in red. Punctuation and/or words added to make corrections are highlighted in blue.

Fragment (incomplete main clause)	Possible Revisions
No main verb A story with deep thoughts and emotions.	She told a story with deep thoughts and emotions.
Toys of all kinds thrown everywhere.	Toys of all kinds were thrown everywhere. OR They found toys of all kinds thrown everywhere.
A record of accomplishment beginning when you were first hired.	I've noticed a record of accomplishment beginning when you were first hired. OR: A record of accomplishment began when you were first hired.
No subject With the ultimate effect of all advertising is to sell the product.	Remove Preposition: The ultimate effect of all advertising is to sell the product.
By paying too much attention to polls can make a political leader unwilling to propose innovative policies.	Remove preposition: Paying too much attention to polls can make a political leader unwilling to propose innovative policies.
For doing freelance work for a competitor got Phil fired.	Remove preposition: Doing freelance work for a competitor got Phil fired. Rearrange: Phil got fired for doing freelance work for a competitor.

Sentence Punctuation

Sentence punctuation helps you to create the meaning you want. It also tells readers how to read a sentence, so learning how to use punctuation correctly is essential. Listed here are six of the major punctuation marks that you will need to write correct sentences---

1. Period:

· Indicates a full stop at the end of a sentence - Ex: I am thinking about going to school.

· Used at the end of an abbreviation – Dr. Ballard has a Ph.D. in linguistics.

2. Comma:

· Separates items in a series – Ex: I ate meat, cheese, salad, and bread for dinner.

· Separates independent clauses connected by a coordinating conjunction – Ex: The car needs gas, but it doesn’t need any oil.

· ( The seven common coordinating conjunctions are: for, and, nor,but, or,yet,so)

· Separates phrases or dependent clauses before independent clauses – Ex: Even though they have two daughters, they only have one biological daughter.

· Sets off nonrestrictive elements – Ex: Mr. Brown, a former bank manager, moved to Ohio.

· (When the information in a clause, such as an adjective clause is not essential to the meaning of the sentence, set it off with a comma or commas.)

· Sets off direct quotations – “Tom,” she said, “please don’t forget the bread.”

2. Semicolon:

· Separates two independent clauses with related information – Ex: Mia arrives on Monday; Steve arrives on Tuesday.

· Separates two independent clause connected by a transition word or coordinator – Ex: Last week the teacher taught the lesson on World War II; however, this week he taught the lesson on economics.

· Separates items in a list whose items contain commas – Please be sure to bring your passport, if it is updated; your inoculation card, if it is current; and your admission letter, signed by your advisor.

4. Colon:

· Introduces information in a list – Ex: The cost of the trip includes: round trip airfare, hotel accommodations, transportation costs, and all meals.

· Introduces an explanation of the first clause – Ex: Most of the students share a common goal: they want to improve their writing.

· Introduces a quote or statement – Ex: Dr. Franz Helt made the following statement: “ESL students share many common grammar error problems”

5. Apostrophe:

· Indicates omissions in contracted forms – Ex: he is, he’s; Is not, isn’t; we are, we’re; can not, can’t; will not, won’t; it is, it’s; we have, we’ve

· Shows possession – Ex: Please return Julian’s book to him. The teacher’s class is full.

6. Quotation Marks :

· Indicates the beginning and end of a direct quote – Ex: Patrick Henry said, “ Give me liberty or give me death.”

Note: At the end of a quote that end a sentence make sure you put the period BEFORE the last quotation mark.

· Indicates the title of a short work such as, a short story, article, poem, song, or novella – Ex: Have you ever read the short story “ Rumpelstilskin”?